Patterns matter and matter patterns

As I have commenced writing this piece, it is 2.03am in the morning. I am restless and hot-blooded. Listening to the cicadas and bats singing their songs. Tears streaming down my cheeks. Realising, opening, dissolving. The Aries moon is full bodied, illuminating all, burning up what’s needed to be burned. This is the beginning and end in one long breath.

Everything I have ever been attached to is crumbling before my eyes. Stability. Belonging. Connection. None of it exists. Even the idea of connection suggestions and creates disconnection in polarity. I can never belong because there’s nothing to belong to. There is no I. There never has been. I am an idea of myself; a curation of stories. There has been awareness of this specifically for some time but the further one journeys along the spiral, the deeper one can understand the profound truth of this and how it plays into all of which is perceived.

I’m simply a figment of imagination. A conjuring of a story to project onto and resolve patterns through experiences with. I understand now- everything is just information. Communication. A network of energy. There is no great evil. There never was. From absolutely every perspective, each being believes they are doing ‘the highest good’ through operating from duality. Everything is relative to each perspective. Universal moralism is redundant. Suffering is inevitable. All suffering is necessary until it isn’t. Suffering is a dual concept. Our fear of suffering is what creates it. If we accept suffering as the teacher that it is, can it even really be considered as suffering anymore?

Acceptance moves everything.

Have you noticed the way similar stories play out with different people/situations? That isn’t a coincidence. You are projecting the story subconsciously onto your interactions with that person/situation to give yourself breadcrumbs for growing awareness. It’s up to you to see outside the story. Every opportunity is there to see. Life is a puzzle this way. You will unconsciously pull things out of others/situations that you need to process and realise/develop awareness through. If you fail to notice the patterns, they repeat, and this becomes your life. Notice what repeats. Notice what you are noticing. Notice what you are creating. Notice what you pull out of others. Notice what you are trying to teach yourself through your experiences. You are not a victim, you are the creator. See the pattern for the tool that it is.

We will always have a tendency to lean toward a scapegoat, whatever that looks like in each story. Something to limit our experience and hold ourselves back through so that we don’t have to consider for even a moment that we are entirely responsible for our existence with no exceptions: that we are the creator and thus ensues the absolute power to make any changes necessary. Oh but surely this level of awareness is a burden!?

No. Only if you make it so. You make everything so by where you focus your attention most. What wolves/stories are you feeding? Attention and focus is your currency. Everything is always changing and impermanent.

I’m reminded of a beautiful quote by Heraclitus: No man steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.
I would like to add to this quote by reminding the reader that the man chose to step in the river. It wasn’t an accident. It like that for life. It’s like that for everything.

Many would wish to argue with me about this. Many have. Many do. Many are not given the context of my suffering stories (which are irrelevant now). However, I’m aware it’s all just echoes/ripples of versions of ideas of myself attached to suffering stories and justifications for a character. All serves and all is beautiful. Reminders of the diversity of experiences and divine expression.

A real opportunity lays here to learn to see outside your own defences: What are you defending? Why do you feel you need to defend it? On who’s behalf? The very action of noticing yourself getting defensive about something can be the very moment where you disarm your internal battles with self.

Breaking patterns is not always easy. The neural pathways will be set through repetition and reinforced by cellular memory. Breaking a pattern means breaking the story of oneself/breaking the ego. Total rewiring is required. Deep introspection is required. Inquiry questions are required. Commitment to dissolution is required. A willingness to look at all of the really difficult things one does not wish to see about the character one is playing is required.

Here are 4 stages that describe the nature of a pattern as it develops in the example of a human being.

I. Thoughts, words or actions becomes repeated through attachments. Pattern develops and repeats (subtle, earthshaking, scale is relative).

II. Awareness of pattern occurs.

III. Desire to change/shift post awareness. If ego attachment is too strong, this desire will be suppressed. Suppression creates other underlying patterns which will inevitably project.

IV. Action taken to break pattern, some form of ego death on any scale, commencement of new pattern with expanded perspective and gradually less attachment (important to note that this journey is not linear but I will get into non-linear modalities in my next blog.)

Ego death is humbling and humility is key to clarity and growing awareness/consciousness. Without ego death, one begins to identify too much with the character one plays. The lens through which one perceives reality becomes so deeply skewed through this over-identification because one cannot observe the true nature of reality with agendas and biases in tact; a very bitter potion to swallow for many.

We always want to be right. We always want to think we’re the ones who know. We taunt others and make stories about their perceived lack of awareness but they’re just ripples/echoes of where you once were or where you’re yet to be. It’s all you- but not the character you, although it seems this way through maya (illusion/dream). It always has been you and always will you. You are god. Deal with it. Observe your biases. Observe your blind spots. Observe your underlying agendas. Observe what you hide from yourself (and others, which counts as hiding from yourself). Observe what labels you are projecting onto those you interact with. Carefully. See your lenses and filters for what they are. Notice what is pulled out of you when interacting with different beings (different versions of you.)

Patterns are all around us because they are us. We see patterns in nature, in mathematics, in sounds, relationships, emotions, architecture, art, weather etc. Strengthening your awareness of patterns that you notice externally will help you strengthen awareness of patterns you perhaps didn’t notice internally, or vice versa and you will come to see just how deeply interconnected they are; how one is really not seperate from the other.

Another interesting and abstract point to note which may or may not click for some readers:

Pattern - pa- masculine

Matter- ma- feminine

The two are deeply interconnected. Patterns are structure made up of matter (substance or subject). Patterns matter and matter patterns (verb). Consider atoms.

It is now 4.08am and I feel I have written all that I need to write for this morning. I will rest now.

Love in immeasurable moments,

Li xoxo