Hypocrisy or discovery of nuance?

To my initial dismay, I made the decision to return to social media after swearing to delete it permanently. I had already become quite the recluse since growing, birthing and raring my sweet little babe, so clearing my presence on social platforms meant that nobody was seeing my art unless they somehow remembered my website existed, were one of the 11 people who actually opened my newsletter or scanned a QR code on one of my scarcely stuck stickers. I felt sad that I wasn’t really able to share my art anymore. I create it for the hearts and souls of the people- to have little to no audience for my work was lonely.

After returning this time around, somehow it’s completely different- it doesn’t feel unbearably heavy. I use it once or twice a week to post art updates and I don’t scroll. I’m not engaging with it obsessively. I don’t really care about creating a strong presence on there or comparing myself to other artists. I’m not constantly absorbing negativity or trying to convince myself of something. I’m not fixated on understanding why everyone posts the things that they post. I’m not actively seeking or trying to be found. I’m not hyper fixating on my flaws. I’m not being sucked into a reactive vortex which feels like a waste of my consciousness. I’m not using it as a diary to force my vulnerability to the audience. I’m not having twenty half-assed, ongoing conversations with folks in messenger. If I’m reaching out to anyone, it’s because I genuinely want to engage for a reason- and I’m not just flicking pointless memes around.

I can see how it’s a useful tool for artists to connect to an audience and to each other but I’ve learned that our relationship with ourselves is what shapes our experience within any container. Intention is everything. Remaining congruent with one’s authenticity is certainly an invaluable skill worth refining in all opportunities.

I think it’s crucial to look at how we are spending our energy every day.

Often this phrase loops in my mind:

The way we do one thing is the way that all things are done.